Pokemon Delusional Version
by Nerdsbane
Summary: A parody of Mary Sues commonly seen in fan fiction. The twist, however, is the rest of the world doesn't go along with her self-aggrandizing bullcrap.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm not much for updates, but I felt I need to do one before starting this story. Pokemon: Delusional Version follows a stereotypical Mary Sue through her Pokemon journey. The twist, however, is that the world doesn't go along with her self-elevating garbage; it's how someone would really react to someone like a Mary Sue. Updates for this story will be few and far between, as I am a very busy person with a life, and my main story focus at the moment is on Lame-os, another Mary Sue parody set in the Heroes universe; I really enjoy writing it, so check it out if you'd like. I also have another parody planned, as well as three serious stories. I'm always fishing for ideas, so if you have a thought, or a story with a major Sue I could use in researching ideas, let me know. I feel obligated to mention that saying I don't own Pokemon, which I obviously don't, will in NO WAY protect me, nor anyone else, from any kind of legal action. Without further ado, here's Pokemon: Delusional Version.**

Ambyr Superia woke up on a particularly beautiful, sunny day. She was sixteen years old, and today was the day her parents had finally consented to allow her to go on her pokemon journey! Oh, the joy!

She swiftly leaped out of bed and looked in her mirror. She had wavy, luxurious, waist-length blonde hair, eyes that seemed to change to every color imaginable (which, in reality, would probably be the sign of some type of degenerative disease), and a smile that could calm even an enraged Primeape! She was drop-dead gorgeous!

She changed out of her silky, lacy, frilly, expensive white nightgown, and picked out the outfit she would wear on her journey. She put on a pretty pink miniskirt, a black top with spaghetti straps, black combat boots, and a mysterious silver necklace with a blue gem in it that had been passed down in her family for generations. She let her beautiful blonde hair fall over her shoulders, and she was ready to go!

She left her gigantic mansion, looking all pretty and with her speshul majikal Sue bling around her neck, and began walking down the road to Professor Oak's lab in order to receive her very first Pokemon! She was so excited!

On the way there, she bumped into her best friend, Aurelia. The two of them had been friends since before kindergarten! Aurelia always wished she was as pretty, smart, and cool as Ambyr! Ambyr _totally _had other friends too, though!

"Oh, Ambyr! Hi!" cheerfully exclaimed Aurelia as she ran towards Ambyr.

"Good morning, Aurelia," sweetly said Ambyr. "How are you?"

"I'm doing great! Are you ready to receive your very first Pokemon?"

"Yeah! I'm very excited about this exciting prospect," excitedly replied Ambyr with a sense of _excitement _ at all of this _excitement_.

"Cool!" exclaimed Aurelia. "I wish my parents would let me go on a Pokemon journey so I could be cool like you…"

"Oh, Aurelia, don't worry!" cheerfully exclaimed Ambyr. "You'll get a Pokemon someday!"

"Thanks, Ambyr!" said Aurelia with an enormous grin. "That makes me feel better, even though it's only been five seconds since I became upset in the first place!"

Aurelia then continued skipping down the road towards her house, leaving Ambyr to continue on her trek to Professor Oak's lab. Someone needs to invent the assembly line in the Pokemon world already, so cars can actually be available.

All of a sudden, she saw Amanda, who went to school with her and Aurelia. She was a pretty, popular cheerleader, and Ambyr just _knew _that she was jealous of her and thought she was totally cool!

"Good morning, Amanda," Ambyr greeted her. "How are you today? I'm going to Professor Oak's lab to get my first Pokemon! Pretty cool, huh?"

"Um, no?" responded Amanda coldly. "You and that freak you hang out with are the only ones in the entire school who _don't _have a Pokemon. And why are you talking to me? You're so weird." She then walked off.

Ambyr smiled. Amanda _totally _thought she was cool! She was also totally jealous, and _definitely _wanted to be her friend and be just like her! She continued towards the lab.

When she arrived, Professor Oak wasn't standing outside waiting for her as she had expected. Weird, huh? She walked in the door and saw him sitting at a desk.

"Good morning, Professor," Ambyr sweetly greeted him. "I'm here to receive my first Pokemon!"

The Professor's eyes lit up when he saw Dawn! "Oh, good morning, Abner, I mean, uh… Ambyr! That's excellent! Unfortunately, I already gave all three of the starters away!"

"Oh no!" exclaimed Ambyr.

"Wait, I know!" exclaimed Professor Oak with a snap of his fingers. He grabbed a pokeball and tossed it to Ambyr, which, though she was sure she would catch like a pro, she missed, causing it to break the window and go flying outside.

After she had retrieved it and pretended like she had caught it like a pro, Professor Oak continued speaking. "Take good care of it! It's very rare!"

Ambyr tossed the pokeball into the air, excitedly anticipating what would pop out. It was a pretty, pink, cat-like creature, levitating in the air!

"Mew!" it exclaimed.

"Alright!" exclaimed Ambyr. "Thanks Professor! Now to begin my journey!" She returned Mew to its pokeball and dashed out the door at full speed!

"Ah, crap," said Professor Oak. "I meant to give her the half-dead Pidgey I had in the pokeball next to that. I _really _need to start labeling these things…" He then poured himself a shot of Aristocrat and drank until he blacked out.

Ambyr tentatively took her first step onto Route 1. This was so exciting! She was finally leaving on her Pokemon journey, and nothing was going to get in her way of being the very best in the whole entire world of 6.7 billion people!


	2. Chapter 2

Ambyr had been walking up Route 1 towards Viridian City for about thirty minutes. She had battled dozens and dozens of Rattata and Pidgey with Mew! She was an _amazing _trainer! She should be called Ambyr, Destroyer of the Rattata! She had to be, like, the best trainer in history!

She decided to let Mew out of its pokeball for awhile.

"Mew?" it curiously uttered as it stared at Ambyr. Why the hell had she called when there was nothing to fight?

"You're absolutely adorable!" Ambyr stated with glee. "C'mon, let's continue to Viridian City! I'm going to challenge the gym leader there and win the Earth Badge!" She resumed walking.

Mew rolled its eyes and reluctantly began following her.

After a few minutes, Ambyr and Mew ran into a man who worked at the Poke Mart giving out free potions as part of a promotion.

"Hi!" she said as she took the potion. "Can I have some extra? I'm really cool and pretty, and I'm gonna be the very best like no one ever was, so I think I deserve them."

"Uh, no. It's limited to one per person. Sorry."

Ambyr was shocked! She was _entitled _to those potions! She stormed off and continued walking toward Viridian City.

Mew thought to itself what an idiot its trainer was.

About half an hour later, she had finally arrived in Viridian City! Now, to find the gym and win her very first badge! She was so excited! She returned Mew to its pokeball and began to look around.

After a little searching, she finally located the gym. But something weird was going on- the door was locked!

Ambyr began banging on the doors. "Hello? Is anyone there? I need to challenge the gym leader so I can beat them and get a badge!"

"Gym leader isn't around," laughed an old man standing off to the side.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Ambyr. She _had _to win that badge!

She walked off, absolutely devastated that she wouldn't get to knock the ever-loving crap out of the gym leader with her untrained Mew. She tried to leave the city and head into Viridian Forest, but some crazy old man who thought he owned the road chased her away, screaming something about coffee. He wouldn't even let her, the coolest, smartest, most beautiful-est person that has ever existed in the history of the world, go by.

She decided to wait it out; he would have to leave eventually. Until then, she decided to head west of the city and look for some Pokemon.

She entered the tall grass on Route 22, hoping to stir up some wild Pokemon. She found several male Nidoran, which Mew easily took care of.

"Yay! I did it! I am the best trainer ever!" she cheered.

She continued along Route 22 to see what else she could find. All of a sudden, as she exited the grass, she accidentally ran into some guy. He looked _totally _cute, and Ambyr just _knew _that he would fall madly in love with her at first sight!

"Oops! Sorry!" she sweetly apologized for bumping into him.

"Whatever," he said. "Just watch where you're going." He turned away from Ambyr.

"I'm Ambyr, by the way," she said, attempting to regain his attention. "I'm on my Pokemon journey. How about you?"

He let out an annoyed sigh and turned around. "My name's Eric. I'm a trainer too." He was tall and had brown hair and gorgeous brown eyes; this was weird, because usually guys she likes have unnatural-colored eyes and hair. Oh well!

"Oh, cool!" she merrily exclaimed. "I'm going to be the greatest trainer ever! In fact, I could probably win the league right now, but, of course, I must win all of the badges first!"

Eric acknowledged her with a grunt. He just wished this annoying freak would go away.

"We should have a battle!" happily suggested Ambyr. "I'll go easy on you, because, of course, no one can be better than me, even though I just became a trainer two hours ago!" She took Mew's pokeball off of her belt and held it up. Eric could be her rival and love interest! This was sooo cool!

Eric sighed. "Whatever. It'll be something to do while I wait around for the Viridian Gym leader to return. It's been a boring month waiting so far." He took a pokeball off of his belt.

"You're going down!" exclaimed Ambyr. "Go, Mew!" She threw Mew's pokeball, releasing it to do battle! Mew looked tired, possibly because Ambyr hasn't thought to heal it once during this story. It's also pretty low level, and after awhile, those low-level Pidgey and Rattatta can wear a starter down.

Eric threw the pokeball in his hand, releasing an orange and black dog-like creature.

"Arcanine!" it growled.

"Arcanine, use Extremespeed!" Eric commanded.

Eric's Arcanine rushed at Mew. In the blink of an eye, it hit it, knocking it out in one blow.

"Oh no!" cried Ambyr as she rushed to Mew's side. How could this happen? She was never supposed to lose!

"Your Pokemon is _way _too weak to compete with any of mine," said Eric disappointedly. He had hoped for a challenging struggle to alleviate his boredom. "I'd take it to the Pokemon Center if I was you." He then walked off.

Ambyr returned Mew to its pokeball, and then proceeded to the Pokemon Center, pouting the whole way. How could this be? She was never supposed to lose to anyone, especially not her rival/love interest. It must've been a fluke! Yeah, that was it! It was because Mew was so tired; that's why he won!

Her mind began to wander again. Why didn't he show any interest in her though? Obviously, his feelings for her must be so strong that he didn't know how to express them, and he was afraid to let her know he was _totally _in love with her. Yeah, that was it!

Ambyr entered the Pokemon Center and walked up to the counter.

"Good morning, Nurse Joy," she said. "I'd like to get my Pokemon healed." She handed over Mew's pokeball. Isn't it neat how they have this amazing medical technology and they offer it completely for free? Someone's never had an economics lesson, it would appear. Or maybe that's related to why there are almost no cars. Whatever. Back to this totally awesome story.

Nurse Joy took Mew's pokeball and put it in the healing machine thingamajig. Once the process was complete, she returned the pokeball to Ambyr. Nurse Joy then began hacking severely, and, once the fit had passed, lit a cigarette. She didn't tell her that she hoped to see her again, as Ambyr expected all Nurse Joys to do. Hmm… Oh well!

Ambyr exited the Pokemon Center and headed north; creepy coffee man was passed out on the side of the road, possibly from heavy drug use. Or his kidney had been extracted and sold. Whatever. Either way, Ambyr was back to her journey! The next stop: Viridian Forest!


	3. Chapter 3

Ambyr approached the entrance to Viridian Forest. It looked dark and foreboding, yet Ambyr wasn't even a teensy bit frightened, because she was the coolest person ever!

A man was standing behind some type of information kiosk in front of the entrance to the forest. He was handing out maps to everyone who entered.

"Better be careful in there," he said to Ambyr as she approached. "Viridian Forest is like a maze! You'd better take a map!" He handed her one.

"No thanks," Ambyr laughed. "I have an _excellent _sense of direction, and have never gotten lost before." This was neither believable nor impressive, especially considering this was the first time Ambyr had even left Pallet Town, but whatever.

"Oh well," replied the man. "Suit yourself. I just hope no one has to go in there and search for weeks to find you."

Ambyr's ego didn't allow her to hear this warning, so she proceeded into the forest.

She had run into several weak Pokemon and defeated them with Mew, but she didn't want to catch any of them. Mostly, she had seen Caterpie, Weedle, and other things like that. She had bought ten pokeballs several days before she left on her journey, and she only wanted to catch cool, cute, and beautiful Pokemon.

"I want to find a Pikachu!" she cheerfully exclaimed to herself. Because, y'know, talking to yourself like that is what sane, normal people do. She began to meticulously search, hoping to find one of the electrical rodents before she left the forest.

After an hour of searching, Ambyr still hadn't found a Pikachu, which she found quite surprising. She knew they lived in Viridian Forest, and if she were to see one, it would _obviously _instantly deem her a worthy trainer and want to come with her.

"Oh my good golly gosh!" exclaimed Ambyr. "Where are those Pikachu?"

All of a sudden, she heard a noise behind her rustling in the underbrush, causing her to swiftly turn around. That's when she saw it- a Pikachu! What a freakin' coincidence! Ambyr _knew_ that she would find one!

Ambyr dashed after the Pikachu. "Wait, Pikachu! Come back! I want to be your totally awesome trainer!"

After about ten minutes, Ambyr had somehow lost the Pikachu, despite her _totally amazing _tracking skills. How that could _possibly _happen was beyond comprehension. In addition, she was no longer on the walking path, and had no idea where she was. Ambyr was completely lost in the middle of Viridian Forest! Oh no!

"This is horrible!" exclaimed Ambyr. "You would think they would give out maps of the forest or something like that to prevent people from getting lost. Why do they not do that, I wonder? I _totally _would have taken one if they had!"

The situation wasn't a complete loss, Ambyr thought to herself, because she had _expert _survival skills. She had never even so much as camped out in her back yard before, but whatever. Ambyr is super cool and knows everything! She decided that the first thing she should do is make a fire!

Four hours later, Ambyr was getting ready to go to sleep. For some reason, she hadn't been able to make a fire, as hard as she had tried. How weird was it that she couldn't do it? The sun had set an hour ago, and she was still lost. She laid down in the pile of leaves she had gathered. They were scratchy, wet, and mushy- not at all like her soft, super-expensive silk sheets on her bed at home.

Why was she lost? She was the best at everything! Hmm… Obviously, there must be some kind of bad guy or problem only she could solve or defeat, and random coincidence had brought her to the middle of the forest to stop it! Yeah, that must be it! Ambyr would try to find whatever it was once she woke up at sunrise. She laid her head down in her slimy, gross leaves and fell asleep.

"Hey! Hey you! Are you okay?" said a voice, causing Ambyr to wake up.

The sun had already risen. Ambyr opened her eyes to look at this stranger. She hoped it was Eric, coming to find her to tell her how much he loved her!

She opened her eyes. It was only a bug catcher. Her heart sank.

"Are you lost?" he asked her.

"No, I am not lost!" Ambyr snapped, pulling clumps of muddy leaves out of her hair as she stood up. "I am waaaay too pretty, cool, and skilled to get lost!"

"Oh, um, ok," replied the bug catcher, slightly taken aback by the douchiness of this stranger. He was just trying to help. "Well, if you are lost, I'm going to Pewter City, so you can follow me if you want."

Ambyr began thinking to herself. She _definitely _wasn't lost, but this guy probably was, even though he knows where he's going (which, by definition, isn't being lost, but… Sue logic). He probably needed help getting out of the forest!

"I'll go with you as your escort out of the forest," stated Ambyr heroically. "I'm the best trainer in the universe, so you don't have to worry! I'll get you out of this forest safely!"

"Um, ok. Whatever," he replied. "Let's go. My name's Tom, by the way."

The two of them began walking northward. After about twenty minutes, they were back on the walking trail.

"So, what's your name? Where are you from?" asked Tom, tired of the awkward, angry silence from this girl who desperately needed a shower.

"Well," began Ambyr, doing that Sue thing where they close their eyes and begin to over-explain, "my name is Ambyr Superia. I am sixteen years old, and I am on my journey to win all eight Kanto badges, beat the Elite Four, and become the champion. I am from Pallet Town, and everyone there loves me and thinks I'm totally cool. Everyone who has ever said even one word to me I consider my friend; it's _totally_ not because I have no real friends though! I am travelling with my super cute and rare started Pokemon, Mew, to challenge the Pewter City gym leader and obtain the Boulder Badge. I…"

Ambyr continued on like this for several more minutes. Tom regretted asking her anything. The awkward, angry silence was preferable to this bullcrap.

"Oh look, we're here," said Tom with a sigh of relief.

They exited Viridian Forest and went their separate ways. Ambyr took her first steps into Pewter City.

"Alright!" she exclaimed with a determined grin. "Now to go get that Boulder Badge!" She struck a _super cool _pose!

Everyone stared at the weird, dirty-looking girl striking a goofy pose as they walked by.


	4. Chapter 4

Ambyr had just arrived in Pewter City. She decided that the very first thing she should do was stop by the Pokemon Center, so Mew would be fully healed. That way, when she challenged the gym leader, no fluke resulting from Mew being tired would cause her to lose, because, as we all know, a fluke is the only way Ambyr can _possibly _lose! She was so excited to win her first gym badge!

She cheerfully walked to the Pokemon Center, flashing her beautiful smile at everyone! They must've all thought she was _sooo _beautiful and cool!

"Mommy, what's wrong with that girl?" a little boy whispered to his mother as they walked down the street. He was pointing at a girl (i.e. Ambyr) who looked as if she was in dire need of a shower and was skipping towards the Pokemon Center with an absolutely ridiculous-looking, creepy, clown-like smile.

"Don't look at her, Billy," nervously scolded the boy's mother. This person looked like a serial killer or something! The mother hurriedly whisked her son away.

Ambyr entered the Pokemon Center and glanced around. She could _totally _take everyone in this room! In fact, once she got her gym badge, maybe she would come back here and beat all of them! Then, they would _totally _ask her advice on how to be an awesome, pretty, and totally cool trainer! Oh yeah! Ambyr was so excited!

"Good morning, Nurse Joy," Ambyr cheerfully greeted the nurse as she approached the counter. "I would like to get my Pokemon healed!"

The nurse looked up from the book she was reading, sighed, and pointed to her nametag. It read "Nurse Betty". Huh. What a weird thing to be on Nurse Joy's nametag. Oh well!

Nurse Betty took Mew's pokeball from Ambyr and put it in the healing machine. When the healing process was complete, she returned the pokeball to this obnoxious girl.

"Thanks, Nurse Joy!" cheerfully exclaimed Ambyr as she left the Pokemon Center.

Nurse Betty rolled her eyes and went back to reading her paperback romance novel.

Ambyr merrily skipped to the gym, her pretty blonde locks flowing behind her in the wind. She was totally gorgeous! Her hair wasn't dirty or stringy _at all _from sleeping in the mud and leaves the previous night, but that was to be expected, as Ambyr was _always _beautiful and clean.

When she reached the gym, Ambyr boldly walked inside as she swung the doors open.

"I want to challenge the gym leader for the Boulder Badge!" she determinedly declared with one hand on her hip and the other pointing straight ahead.

"The gym leader is currently with another challenger," calmly replied a receptionist, who was annoyed by this freak's overdramatic garbage. "You'll have to wait."

Ambyr, who was still striking her super-cool pose, frowned. How lame was this? Didn't they know who she was? She picked one of the chairs lining a wall of the entryway and sat down, sulking the whole time.

Thirty minutes later…

Ambyr had been waiting _for-ev-er! _What was taking so long?

Just then, the door opened. Tom, the bug catcher Ambyr had _totally _rescued in Viridian Forest, walked out. In his hand was a small, shiny object. But wait… How could he… How could _he _win a badge before Ambyr?

Tom left without noticing her for some reason, perhaps because he was intimidated by her awesomeness, even though his having at least one badge kind of makes him superior to her, but whatever. In Ambyr's opinion, she was superior to _everyone._

"Now, you may enter," the receptionist said to Ambyr.

"Well, it's about darn time!" she snapped as she stood up. She entered the doors that Tom had just walked out of. She was ready to easily defeat the gym leader and win her first badge!

"Are you prepared, challenger?" asked the gym leader, Brock.

"I'm more than prepared!" she replied with a smirk. "You're going down!" This was going to be so easy, especially since she had heard that Brock had a weakness for pretty girls such as herself!

"Very well," replied Brock stoically. He threw a pokeball, releasing a gray, rock-like Pokemon with thick arms, but no legs.

"Geodude!" it uttered, ready for a fight.

"Go, Mew!" Ambyr yelled as she threw Mew's pokeball in a super cool way that only she could do.

Mew appeared in a flash of red light. However, it seemed to be taking a nap.

"WAKE UP!" angrily screeched Ambyr.

Mew opened its eyes and glared at her.

"Now, Mew!" she happily exclaimed, pretending she had never lost her cool, "let's do this and win a badge!"

Mew rolled its eyes and faced down Brock's Geodude. This girl was such a bitch.

"Geodude, use tackle!" commanded Brock.

Geodude rapidly rocketed towards Mew.

"Dodge it!" shrieked Ambyr. Her voice was totally pretty, and didn't sound like nails on a chalkboard _at all! _

Mew lazily floated out of Geodude's way, causing it to crash into the wall.

"Now, use Mega Kick!" Ambyr ordered. Apparently, she didn't realize how ineffective a normal-type attack would be against a rock-type like Geodude, but whatever.

Mew rolled its eyes and obeyed, ineffectively striking Geodude. Ambyr is sooo good at battling! She's the bestest trainer EVAR!

"That isn't going to work," said Brock with a smirk. This girl clearly had no idea what she was doing. "Geodude, use Rock Throw!"

Why wasn't Brock being distracted by how gorgeous Ambyr was? He was supposed to fall head-over-heels for her! Hmm… This was weird. He, like Eric, must feel sooo strongly for her that he was too afraid to show his feelings. Yeah, that was it! Ambyr was totally hot!

Geodude's attack struck Mew.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Ambyr. "Mew, use Thunder Wave! Paralyze it so it can't get you!"

Mew didn't even attempt to obey Ambyr's command this time, as it was aware, unlike its trainer, that an electric attack was useless against a part ground-type such as Geodude. Instead, Mew used Psychic, sending Geodude flying, knocking it out.

"Yeah! Way to go! I am the best trainer ever!" happily exclaimed Ambyr. She was sooo glad she had just ordered Mew to use Psychic in order to beat Brock's Geodude!

Brock returned his unconscious Geodude to its pokeball. He then threw another one out- this time, it was a giant, snake-like creature made of rocks.

"Onix, use Dragonbreath!" Brock commanded.

The vicious attack hit Mew directly, knocking it out in an instant.

"Oh no!" cried Ambyr. What the heck was going on? How could she, the greatest trainer of all time, lose?

"Looks like I win," said Brock.

Ambyr returned Mew to its pokeball. She _had _to get that badge!

She walked up to Brock, looking totally gorgeous and awesome. "Maybe you should just give me that Boulder Badge anyway," she said seductively.

"…Are you trying to hit on me?" Brock asked this filthy-looking, weird-ass, ugly girl in an annoyed voice.

"I know you want me," she said, not sensing Brock's annoyance with her. "Just give me the badge and I'll be your girlfriend."

"No," bluntly replied Brock. If pretty much any other woman had said that, they'd have a shiny new badge, but this one was incredibly unattractive. He then walked off.

Ambyr was stunned! How could he reject someone as sexy as her? Even worse, she didn't win the badge! This sucked!

Ambyr looked around to check for people, and, seeing none, followed Brock into the back. She stealthily dodged the junior trainers, or at least she thought she stealthily dodged them; they all just thought that Brock had significantly lowered his standards.

After she expertly avoided all of the people like a ninja, she slipped into a back room where they kept the badges. She then took one and put it in her badge case.

"I did it! I got the Boulder Badge!" Ambyr loudly exclaimed at the top of her lungs while striking a victory pose.

"What was that?" asked a voice outside the room.

"It's coming from the badge storage safe!" exclaimed another.

Ambyr then sped out of the gym, squealing at the top of her lungs like a friggin' nutcase all the way.

Ambyr continued running and screeching until she reached the Pokemon Center. She walked up to the desk in order to get Mew healed.

"Good afternoon, Nurse Joy," she sweetly said. "I would like to get my super-rare and cute starter pokemon, Mew, healed. I just took on the gym leader and won the Boulder Badge. Pretty cool, huh?"

Nurse Betty put down her paperback romance novel and gave Ambyr a blank, "drop dead" stare for a good ten seconds before taking Mew's pokeball and healing it.

"Thanks Nurse Joy!" Ambyr sweetly thanked this Nurse Joy after receiving her freshly-restored pokemon. She then left the Pokemon Center.

"I hate this job," muttered Nurse Betty.

** I don't plan to update like this very much, but I had an idea for a little segment to do every few chapters. As you have probably noticed, most Mary Sues use the same Pokemon in every story. This lack of originality greatly contributes to the amount of sueage in a story. So, I've decided to, every two or three chapters, do a segment I like to call "'Sue's' That Pokemon?" in which I will highlight a Pokemon commonly used by Mary Sues. I will talk about why Sues use it, why it's stupid and clichéd, and I will also write how to use said Pokemon effectively in the video games (or at least how I would use it) as a bit of extra info for readers (or if they desire to make a Sue team and battle online for teh lulz). Here's the first segment.**

"**Sue's" That Pokemon?**

**Magikarp/Gyarados**

**Ah, Magikarp. The first completely worthless Pokemon. I remember back in the days of Red and Blue (yes, I am that old) when all of the dumb kids would buy this from the salesman outside of Mt. Moon during their first playthrough (though in Black and White, buying it on Marvelous Bridge is really the only way to get it. Oh, the irony.)**

**Anyway, Magikarp, as worthless as it is, evolves into Gyarados, a big, bad, intimidating Pokemon, at level 20. Upon evolving, it instantly becomes usable, having access to a high base attack, as well as several powerful moves.**

**Way too many Mary Sues will have Magikarp in their roster of Pokemon. Either they will catch it and hate it (it will be like Misty's Psyduck in the anime), or else they will love and treasure it when everyone else disparages it. It will then evolve just in time to save the trainer/prove naysayers wrong/etc. **

**Suethors use this to bring humor (or what they foolishly think is humor) into the story (the Psyduck-esque example) or to make the Mary Sue seem sweet and loving ("Awwww! She wuvs her worthless Pokemon! How sweeeeeeeet!") Also, it gives the Sue an opportunity to use a big, scary, powerful Pokemon.**

**These are some of the reasons why Magikarp is among the most annoying Pokemon to see a trainer use in a story- it always happens in the exact same way. It is completely predictable, and even less original, in many ways, than having an Eevee. At least different things can happen with Eevee; with Magikarp, it's always one of the two possibilities I've presented.**

**If the Sue catches it as a Gyarados instead, which, in my experience, is a rarity, it is most likely the red Gyarados at the Lake of Rage in Johto. There isn't much deviation there, either.**

**Here's how I recommend playing Gyarados in the video games:**

**Ability****: Intimidate (not that you have much of a choice anyway, unless you go the Dream World route.)**

**Nature****: Jolly (+ Speed, - Sp. Atk) or Adamant (+ Attack, - Sp. Atk) (Personally, I prefer the former. Gyarados' attack stat is very high, and it can really only be used as a physical attacker, so it needs to be fast in order to attack before it gets attacked, especially considering that it has a 4x weakness to one of the most common attack types, electric)**

**Item****: Wacan Berry (This is pretty much necessary in order to stand even a slight chance against any electric attacks. Its horrible typing is one of the reasons no one uses Gyarados in competitive play)**

**EVs****: 252 Attack/252 Speed/ 4 HP (Not everyone does EVs- I rarely do myself- but if you're serious about competitive play, EV training gives you an advantage. Like I said earlier, Gyarados has to be fast in order to stay alive, so maximizing speed is important. Its attack stat is really all it has going for it, so it needs to be boosted as high as possible)**

**Moves****: -Dragon Dance (Helps boost attack and speed)**

**-Waterfall (Nice physical water-type attack, which gets a same-type attack boost)**

**-Earthquake (Great attack that also handles electric and rock types, Gyarados' big weaknesses)**

**-Ice Fang (Provides nice type coverage)**

**Most people want to put Hyper Beam on Gyarados- don't. Hyper Beam not only is a horrible attack because of the recharge after you use it, but it relies on the special attack stat, meaning Gyarados will do little damage with it and still lose a turn. **

**And that's the what, why, and how of Magikarp and Gyarados.**


	5. Chapter 5

Ambyr left the Pokemon Center feeling incredibly happy about how she expertly won her Boulder Badge. She could remember it so clearly… Her crushing Brock's Onix with an electric-type attack… Brock staring at how pretty she was… Mew not taking a nap… She was the greatest trainer ever!

She began skipping down the street, heading east towards Route 3, which led to Mt. Moon.

"There should be _tons _of super cute, cool, and beautiful Pokemon there! I mean, it's called 'Mt. Moon!' It _sounds _all mystical and mysterious and stuff!" Ambyr ecstatically said to herself. Surprisingly, as much as she talks to herself, no one has attempted to commit her to an insane asylum yet.

As she continued on her merry way, Ambyr heard something that sounded like shouting. She looked north and saw what appeared to be smoke! Oh noez!1!

"This looks like a job for Ambyr Superia, the world's most powerful trainer!" she exclaimed to herself, striking her super cool battle pose.

By this point, the citizens of Pewter City had been hiding in their houses because of the crazy, dirty girl who struck weird poses and ran around screaming, so no one saw her totally awesome pose.

Ambyr took off like a missile towards the smoke! It's a good thing Ambyr is super fast and an expert at parkour, even though she rarely engages in any physical activity at all and has never attempted parkour before! Isn't it great how eager to help people she is?

Ambyr, still dashing at what she believed to be the speed of sound, attempted to do a super cool flip over a park bench that was in her path, which, as a total parkour expert, she was sure she could do. Instead, she ran smack into it and fell forward, painfully smashing her _gorgeous _face into the sidewalk with an enormous force.

She laid on the ground for about three minutes, hoping someone totally handsome would come help her up and tell her how cool and pretty she was. When that did not happen, she sat up and wiped the blood from her nose.

She stared at the blood on her fingers for a second, then licked it off like a freak. That was sooo cool! She was _just like _a vampire! Sometimes, she wished a vampire would come into her room at night and bite her, that way she would be an undead vampire too! That would be awesome!

She stood up and continued running towards the source of the smoke, though, for some reason, she didn't attempt any more amazing parkour moves, which she could _totally _do.

After a few minutes, Ambyr found the source of the smoke- it was the Pewter City Museum! The police had surrounded it.

"Officer Jenny! What's going on?" Ambyr asked with concern. She is sooo empathic and caring! She totally doesn't want to help just because it could make her look good and heroic!

The officer she was talking to, who was a man, turned and faced Ambyr with a look of annoyance.

"Stand back kid," he said in his gruff voice, his graying mustache moving with each word. "Some members of Team Rocket are holed up in there, likely stealing artifacts."

"Oh no!" exclaimed Ambyr. "Don't worry, Officer Jenny! I'll take on those villains!" She bravely ran past the police department's barriers in order to save the day! She was obviously the only one who could handle it! The police, with their manpower, cars, guns, and Pokemon couldn't _possibly _stand a chance against Team Rocket!

"What part of 'stand back' don't you understand, you moron?" yelled the officer Ambyr had been mistakenly calling Jenny.

Ambyr's ego didn't allow her to hear that, and she entered the building, ready to absolutely crush Team Rocket!

"Ok, you Rockets!" she boldly yelled as she forced her way in the side door of the museum. "You're all going down!"

There were four grunts, three men and one woman, staring at her like she was an idiot as she struck her, _ahem_, "cool" battle pose.

"What the #$% is this?" asked one of the male grunts.

"Whatever," replied another. "Just handle it."

"I'll go get what we came for," said the female grunt as she walked into another room.

"Now," began the final grunt with a smirk, "this is no place for little boys to play."

"Um, I'm a girl," angrily stated Ambyr.

"…What? Really?" asked the grunt, confusedly looking at his comrades. They all had the same shocked expression on their faces. They had thought this annoying person was a feminine dude.

"Whatever," stated the grunt, shaking off his shock. "Regardless, we can't have anyone interfering." He grabbed a pokeball off of his belt.

Ambyr took Mew's pokeball in her hand and held it in front of her. "Puh-leeze! No one in the world can beat me! You're going down!"

"We'll see," replied the Rocket grunt with a dark smile. "Go, Zubat!"

A small, eyeless, bat-like pokemon emerged from the grunt's pokeball.

Ambyr threw her pokeball, releasing Mew.

Since Zubat was a poison type, and Mew was a psychic type, it looks like Ambyr might actually have more than a snowball's chance in hell of winning a battle. Unless, of course, her "awesomeness" and "expertise" screw it up. Let's find out- back to this a-freaking-mazing story!

"Mew! Use Mega Punch!" Ambyr ordered her incredibly rare starter pokemon.

Mew obliged, and hit the grunt's Zubat extraordinarily hard, knocking it out in one hit!

"Yay! I did it! I beat a weak pokemon with a type disadvantage against mine! I am the best trainer ever!" cheerfully exclaimed Ambyr.

"Ah, crap!" yelled the grunt through gritted teeth.

One of the other grunts walked forward and shoved him. "You idiot," he angrily scolded his associate. "_I'll _handle this."

He took two pokeballs off of his belt and tossed them. A large, tan-colored rat and a black dog with horns appeared. "Raticate, use Hyper Fang! Houndoom, use Crunch!" he ordered.

Since Ambyr was too picky to catch any other pokemon so far, she didn't have anything else to support Mew. The grunt's two pokemon viciously attacked Mew simultaneously, knocking it out.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Ambyr. How was she going to defeat Team Rocket and be a hero and get praised now? "Return!" She returned Mew to its pokeball.

"Now, little girl, why don't you hand over that pokeball," suggested the grunt who had just kicked Ambyr's ass.

"No!" she yelled. "Mew is my super-rare starter. I'll _never _give it to villains like you!"

"We're not giving you a choice," he replied. His Raticate and Houndoom began inching towards her.

Just then, a large gray Pokemon came barreling into the room at high speed, sending the grunt's Raticate flying.

"Wha-!" exclaimed the grunts.

The female grunt rushed in from the other room with a locked briefcase handcuffed to her wrist. "What was that?" she said with concern.

"Now, Rhyhorn, use Rock Blast to take out his Houndoom!" yelled a voice.

Ambyr looked over- it was Eric! He must have come to tell her that he loved her and thought she was beautiful, and that he wanted to join her on her journey! How awesome!

Eric easily defeated the Rockets with his high-level Rhyhorn.

"Crap," muttered the one pathetic Rocket Ambyr had managed to beat.

"Let's go!" yelled the female grunt. "We got what we came for! Let's rendezvous with the team from Mt. Moon and return to the base!"

The Rockets fled the museum as fast as they could. It was _totally _because they were afraid Ambyr would beat them again, which she had _totally _just done!

"Yeah, you better run away!" she yelled after them. "And don't come back!"

Eric walked out the front door of the museum. Ambyr quickly followed him.

"Thanks," said the officer in charge to Eric. "They got away, but you were able to stop them from completely ransacking the museum."

"It's a good thing I had to come here today," replied Eric. "I received something from a friend in another region I needed someone at the museum to look at."

"What about me, Eric and Officer Jenny?" Ambyr protested. "Didn't I do super great?"

Eric turned and gave her a blank stare.

"Kid, you're an idiot," the officer said to her. "You _don't _run past a police barricade! You hear?"

However, Ambyr, in her warped little mind, heard him say she did an amazing job!

"Aw, thanks Officer Jenny!" cheerfully exclaimed Ambyr. "It was nothing, really." Isn't it great how humble she is?

Ambyr then blew a kiss to Eric and winked at him cutely, which he ignored, before going to heal Mew at the Pokemon Center. She would stay there for the night, then head towards Mt. Moon in the morning! This adventure was so exciting!


	6. Chapter 6

Ambyr left the Pewter City Pokemon Center the next morning feeling fully refreshed! Now, to head to Mt. Moon and catch a bunch of super beautiful and cool pokemon before heading to Cerulean City!

She merrily skipped down the street towards Route 3. She was so excited about continuing her journey!

As Ambyr entered Route 3, she did her super cool battle pose.

"Alright! Time to catch me some pokemon!" she confidently declared.

She wandered down the road, hoping to find something cute to add to her team.

"Hmm… I wonder what pokemon live here?" Ambyr asked herself. She was literally a walking encyclopedia of everything having to do with pokemon, but she wanted to check and see what the so-called professionals said, that way she could see if they made any errors and correct their work.

Ambyr reached in her bag for her pokedex, but… It wasn't there! Oh no!

What could have happened to it? It _couldn't _be that Professor Oak didn't even give her one! She was the coolest, best trainer ever, so _obviously_ Professor Oak had to have handed her one when she got Mew, fully expecting it to be completely filled in, like, a day. Obviously, Team Rocket must have stolen it at the museum! Yeah, that was it! Grr… Ambyr would make them pay!

Ambyr continued down Route 3, looking for wild pokemon as she plotted her vengeance against Team Rocket for _totally _taking her pokedex.

After several minutes, Ambyr still hadn't seen any wild pokemon How weird, huh? They should all be running up to her by this point, begging for her to catch them so she could be their super awesome trainer.

"What's going on?" Ambyr pondered to herself.

Just then, she approached an absolutely decimated clearing. Ambyr rushed over.

"The Rockets seemed to have cleaned this area out," grimaced one pokemon ranger to another. The two were at the opposite edge of the clearing.

The two of them then continued west towards Pewter City, surveying the area along the way.

"Team Rocket took all of the wild pokemon!" exclaimed Ambyr, repeating what she had just heard. No, wait, she didn't hear that, she had determined that through her expert investigative skills! Isn't she the greatest?

That explained why no pokemon had approached her in order to go with her! It was sooo obvious!

Ambyr continued walking.

"_Vuuul_…" a weak cry sounded from the underbrush alongside the path.

"What could that possibly be?" Ambyr asked herself. She kneeled down and parted the shrubs, revealing an injured Vulpix!

"Oh no!" cried Ambyr. "Team Rocket must have done this!"

The Vulpix, still too weak to move, tried to inch away.

"it's ok, Vulpix!" cheerfully exclaimed Ambyr. "You're an adorable, mysterious, cute pokemon, so I'll take you with me and be your super cool trainer!"

At this, Vulpix's eyes widened in terror "Vuuuuuuuul!" it cried as it summoned the last bit of its strength in order to stand up and start limping away.

Ambyr reached out and grabbed one of its tails, preventing its escape as she fumbled in her bag.

"Let's see… I have a pokeball in here somewhere…"

"Vul! Vul! Vulpix!" desperately cried Vulpix as it fruitlessly struggled in an attempt to escape. (Translation: Oh, please, no! Other Vulpix? Team Rocket? Anybody? Don't let this psycho bitch take me!)

"Ah, here we go!" cheerfully exclaimed Ambyr as she found a pokeball, which she tossed at Vulpix.

"Vuuuul!" hopelessly cried Vulpix as Ambyr captured him. He was stuck with this freak! Nooooooooo!

"Yeah, I did it!" exclaimed Ambyr as she stood up and struck her victory pose, which was like her battle pose, but with the "peace/victory" sign, which stopped being remotely cool in the '90s, instead of pointing. "I caught a Vulpix!"

She stood there striking her pose for another two minutes, not even so much as blinking. At one point, a fly landed on her eye and crawled across it, to which Ambyr didn't react whatsoever. After she was done with her awesome pose, she continued walking east.

After about thirty minutes, Ambyr spotted the Mt. Moon Pokemon Center on the horizon, with Mt. Moon towering behind it. She happily dashed towards the Pokemon Center in order to heal Mew and Vulpix. Isn't it nice how concerned she is about her pokemon?

Ambyr entered the Pokemon Center.

"Good morning, Nurse Joy," she sweetly greeted the nurse at the desk. "I would like to heal my Mew and my newly-caught Vulpix, please."

The nurse took the two pokeballs from Ambyr and placed them in the healing machine.

"I'm very worried about Vulpix," stated Ambyr, "because she was severely injured by Team Rocket."

"It's a he," corrected the nurse.

"Wha-?" asked Ambyr with surprise before regaining her composure. "Obviously, you are mistaken, Nurse Joy," she laughed. "My Vulpix is female."

"No, it's a male. Trust me," replied the nurse in an annoyed tone.

Ambyr rolled her eyes and took the pokeballs back. Obviously, this nurse, who had some kind of degree in pokemon medicine, had to be mistaken about Vulpix's gender. Ambyr was a pokemon _expert, _so she was totally correct.

Ambyr exited the Pokemon Center and entered the cave at the base of Mt. Moon, which would come out on the other side outside of Cerulean City.

The interior of the cave was quite dim, although it also seemed quite spacious. Ambyr proceeded farther into the cavern, hoping to find a Clefairy. Maybe she would even find a shiny pokemon, as that would make her seem _extra _cool! She was so excited!

After about thirty minutes of walking, Ambyr was starting to get tired and a little creeped out, though you couldn't tell by looking at her, because Ambyr is totally an expert at hiding her emotions, thoughts, and true intentions. She had defeated numerous Zubat and a few Paras with Mew and Vulpix, but she still hadn't seen a Clefairy. Ambyr was _always _supposed to find the pokemon she was looking for, but she hadn't so far. Weird, huh?

"Hey you!" exclaimed a voice behind her, causing her to scream at the top of her lungs out of fear as she dove behind a stalagmite and cowered.

"OHMYGODTAKEANYTHINGYOUWANT!" loudly exclaimed Ambyr. "Just don't hurt meeeee!"

"You're a trainer, right?" asked the voice.

Ambyr peeked around the edge of the stalagmite to see a girl about her age with black hair standing there with a curious expression on her face.

Ambyr boldly leaped out from behind the stalagmite and placed her hands on her hips, pretending she hadn't freaked out like a coward.

"Yeah, I'm a trainer!" cheerfully responded Ambyr. "I'm exploring Mt. Moon while on my way to Cerulean City to win the Cascade Badge!"

"Me too!" replied the girl. "Want to have a battle?"

"Sure!" replied Ambyr with a determined look in her eyes. "Just don't expect me to go easy on you!"

"Alright, I'll pick first!" exclaimed the girl. "Go, Bulbasaur!"

A green, dinosaur-like creature with a bulb on its back emerged from her pokeball.

"This'll be a cinch," smirked Ambyr. "Vulpix! I choose you!" Ambyr threw Vulpix's pokeball, releasing the multi-tailed fox to do battle.

"Bulbasaur, use Tackle!" ordred the girl as her Bulbasaur came barreling at Vulpix.

"Vulpix, dodge it!" screeched Ambyr.

Vulpix narrowly avoided being hit.

"Now, use Will-O-Wisp!" ordered Ambyr. Vulpix reluctantly obeyed her, sending a small, bluish-white flame at Bulbasaur, burning it severely.

The girl laughed at this. "Bulbasaur, use Aromatherapy!"

Bulbasaur used this technique to heal its burn.

"Hey, no fair!" shrieked Ambyr. "Vulpix! Use Flamethrower and defeat it!"

Vulpix shot several streams of red-hot flames at Bulbasaur, but it managed to dodge them all.

By this point, Ambyr was becoming enormously frustrated, though she would likely tell you that she remained perfectly calm the whole time.

"Auuuuugh!" yelled Ambyr angrily. "Kill it! Use Flare Blitz!"

Vulpix became engulfed in flames and charged at Bulbasaur, narrowly hitting it. Bulbasaur went crashing to the ground unconscious.

"Yay! I did it!" cheerfully exclaimed Ambyr, who was pretending she had never lost her cool. "I am the best trainer ever!"

The girl returned her Bulbasaur to its pokeball. "I only have one left, and I just caught it an hour ago… Let's hope it can win this! Go, Clefairy!"

"Clefairy!" it cheerfully exclaimed as it appeared.

Ambyr's eye began to twitch. "Where did you find that?" she asked the girl.

"What do you mean?" she asked. "I found it here at Mt. Moon! They're absolutely _everywhere _right now! Why, have you not seen one?"

Ambyr didn't respond, and instead stood there with her eye twitching.

"Uh… ok," said the girl. "Clefairy, use… uh, just use DoubleSlap."

Clefairy obeyed its trainer and began to slap the ever-loving crap out of Vulpix. It sort of resembled an episode of Jerry Springer, although Vulpix definitely wasn't Clefairy's baby daddy.

"Dooooodddgee…" moaned Ambyr, her face still with a blank, hypnotized expression, one of her eyes still twitching.

Vulpix quickly fainted.

Ambyr snapped out of it and returned Vulpix, not that she would have beaten Clefairy even if her ego hadn't paralyzed her brain because it couldn't stand the fact that she had been trumped. She threw out Mew's pokeball, releasing it.

"Now, I'm gonna win!" exclaimed Ambyr.

Mew and Clefairy stared each other down, each ready to defeat the other.

** I was just going to do "'Sue's' That Pokemon?", but I felt an urge to say this as well. Last week, I got my new issue of Nintendo Power in the mail. (I am an ENORMOUS Nintendo nerd.) Along with the new issue was a DVD with the first episode of the Pokemon Black and White anime. I hadn't watched the anime since either the end of elementary school or the beginning of middle school (I can't remember exactly, but it was between 5****th**** and 7****th**** grade; it was when they were finishing up Johto), so I popped it in my DVD player and watched it. I didn't expect to like it, and I didn't, but why on Earth is Ash still ten? They even say in an episode I remember seeing as a kid (I still have it on VHS and watched it to confirm; yes, I have nothing to do during the summer) that it had been a year since they had been to Viridian City. That just annoyed me. The kid has been in five different leagues (Kanto, Orange Islands, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh) before going to Unova. Unless he can bend time and space, he should be at least fifteen. Sorry about the rant; I don't care about the anime, I just thought this was a stupid thing and felt like pointing it out. I'm a stickler for logic. Also, and this is not just nostalgia speaking, some of the voice actors they have now SUCK compared to the old ones.**

"**Sue's" That Pokemon?**

**Vulpix/Ninetales**

**I actually really like Vulpix and Ninetales. They're speedy Pokemon with high special attack stats and a pretty good move pool. Plus, their Dream World ability is Drought, making them absolutely vital for weather teams using sunshine. **

**Vulpix evolves with a Fire Stone, which can be difficult to find in some versions of the games (in the present day, namely White). **

**An extraordinary number of Sues use Vulpix and Ninetales. In fact, I'd go as far as to say it is the second most-used Pokemon by Sues after Eevee and its evolutions. (I've even read a terrible fic with a starter that was a hybrid between an Eevee and a Vulpix.) There are several reasons why I feel this happens. First of all, it's mystical-looking and pretty, which Sues are drawn towards. Its type, fire, is also a contributing factor, as fire-types are very popular with Sues. In addition, many suethors are "wapanese" or "weeaboo" (take your pick of a term), meaning they are often exposed to anime and manga with "kitsune", or fox demons/spirits, which are quite popular and often have mystical powers.**

**Almost half the time, the Sue finds the Vulpix injured. I honestly have no idea why this happens so often; it just does. How it evolves varies- sometimes it will accidentally step on a Fire Stone, other times the Sue will purposefully evolve it. Often, if the Vulpix is the starter, it will refuse to evolve at all (Just like Ash's Pikachu! How friggin' original!) **

**So, basically, these are the contributing factors to why Vulpix and Ninetales are so poular for Sues to use.**

**Here's how I recommend using Ninetales in the games:**

**Ability****: Flash Fire or Drought (It really depends on what kind of team you're playing, as well as if you have access to the Dream World. Ninetales with Drought is pretty much required for a sun team. If you have something that sun would mess up, or you don't have Dream World access, go with Flash Fire.)**

**Nature****: Timid (+ Speed, - Attack) or Modest (+ Sp. Attack, - Attack) (You could go with either of these. Ninetales is pretty much meant to be a special attacker, so both Sp. Attack and Speed must be high. Personally, I would probably go with the former.)**

**Item****: Pick pretty much anything. I can't think of anything specific that just works amazingly on Ninetales.**

**EVs****: 4 HP/252 Sp. Attack/252 Speed (This is self-explanatory.)**

**Moves****: -Flamethrower (This is a nice special attack that gets a same-type attack boost. However, this is just what I prefer the most. There are many more options, such as Heat Wave, Overheat, even Fire Blast. Just pick what works for you.)**

**-Nasty Plot (This helps make Ninetales' special attacks completely brutal.)**

**-Energy Ball (Helps to cover water-, ground-, and rock-types, which Ninetales is severely weak to)**

**-Extrasensory (A decent psychic attack that helps provide more type coverage)**

**Really, with Ninetales, the goal is to hit fast and hard with special attacks. You can try other stuff with it though. As I always recommend to people, find what works best for you.**

**And that's the what, why, and how of Vulpix and Ninetales.**


	7. Chapter 7

Ambyr, the coolest and most beautiful trainer in history, was still engaged in a vicious battle deep inside Mt. Moon with another trainer. Her Vulpix (which _is _female, regardless of what that _jerk _Nurse Joy says) defeated the other girl's Bulbasaur easily with its Flare Blitz attack. Her beautiful Vulpix, however, was defeated by the girl's stupid, ugly Clefairy that Ambyr _totally _wasn't jealous of. Now, each of them has one pokemon left. Which one of them will win?

"Duh, I'm gonna win!" exclaimed Ambyr while rolling her eyes. "What kind of dumb question is that?"

"Um… Who are you talking to?" asked the other trainer.

"No one!" angrily screeched Ambyr. "Now, Mew! Use Mega Kick!"

"Mewmew mew…" Mew uttered before striking at Clefairy. (Translation: "Oh my gosh, shut up…")

"Clefairy, dodge it!" the other trainer, who was much less pretty than Ambyr, ordered her pokemon.

Clefairy narrowly dodged Mew's brutal attack, causing it to shatter a nearby stalagmite.

"Good job!" exclaimed the other girl. "Now, Clefairy, use Meteor Mash!"

Clefairy obeyed, viciously striking Mew with its powerful steel-type attack. Mew went flipping backwards, eyes clenched shut in pain, though it was still floating.

"Stop losing!" Ambyr screamed at Mew. "Let's see it dodge _this! _Use Aura Sphere!"

Once Mew regained its bearings, it launched a sphere of aura energy at the girl's Clefairy, injuring it severely.

"Clefairy…" it sighed dizzily.

"We're not done yet!" exclaimed the girl. "Clefairy, use Metronome!"

Clefairy began wiggling a finger back and forth.

"What's _that _supposed to do?" Ambyr snorted condescendingly.

"Clefaiiiii-_ry!_"

All of a sudden- _BOOM! _Clefairy's Metronome caused it to use a cave-rattling Explosion. There was smoke and debris everywhere, completely obscuring the battlefield.

"Mew? What's going on?" Ambyr managed to sputter between coughs.

When the smoke cleared, both pokemon were unconscious.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Ambyr.

"It's a tie!" said the girl.

"No, I won!" cried Ambyr. "I have to win!" She returned Mew to its pokeball.

"It was a good battle," cheerfully replied the girl as she withdrew her Clefairy. "My name's Janice. That was fun! We should battle again sometimes!"

Ambyr didn't respond, and instead fell to her knees with a blank, despondent look on her face. How could she not win? What was going on? She always won!

"Um… Okaaay, bye," said Janice with a wave as she continued towards Cerulean City.

Ambyr remained as she was for another hour or so, until her ego could convince itself that she had won and was awesome. She cheerfully leaped to her feet and struck her super cool battle pose.

"Alright! Let's go to Cerulean City!" she happily exclaimed.

After awhile, Ambyr finally emerged on the other side of Mt. Moon. It's a good thing she is an _expert_ at spelunking, otherwise she could have been stuck in there _forever!_

Ambyr merrily skipped into the entrance of Cerulean City, fully expecting everyone there to tell her how amazing she was! After a few minutes, she found the Pokemon Center and walked inside in order to heal Mew and Vulpix.

A few minutes later, she exited the Pokemon Center, her pokemon fully refreshed and ready to go! She had gotten into another argument with the nurse about Vulpix's gender, but what the heck did that highly-trained nurse know? Ambyr knew everything!

She determinedly walked down the street towards the Cerulean City Gym, prepared to completely crush the gym leader, Misty, and win the Cascade Badge! Ambyr was so excited. Isn't everything in this story exciting? LOL! "Exciting" is my favorite word!

Ambyr boldly swung open the doors of the gym.

"I'm here to challenge Misty!" she declared with a confident grin.

"Oh, sorry, she's not here right now," calmly replied one of the junior trainers.

"Wha-?" exclaimed Ambyr, an anime sweat drop appearing on the back of her head.

(Author's Note: Isn't it _sooo _awesome writing stupid anime sweat drops into a story, which no real writer would do? Also, isn't it so cool how I can clarify things with an author's note instead of just accurately describing it in the first place? Can you imagine if real authors broke up the action in a story with notes like this? LOL!)

"Yeah, she's up at the cape doing something," replied the junior trainer.

"Then that's where I'll go!" exclaimed Ambyr. "Instead of waiting like a normal person, I'll go find Misty! I _have _to win that Cascade Badge!"

Ambyr swiftly dashed out the door, intent on finding Misty and winning that badge!

An hour-and-a-half later, Ambyr had finally found how to get to Cerulean Cape by taking Routes 24 and 25. No, wait, I mean she _knew _that was how to get there, she just frantically wandered around Cerulean City for so long because she just felt like it. Ambyr _totally _knew where to go, because she was a geography expert, and she knew Cerulean like the back of her hand, even though she had never been there before! Isn't she awesome?

Ambyr began walking across the bridge onto Route 24. Just then, however, she saw someone walking the opposite way towards the city- it was Eric! Obviously, he had come looking for her to tell her he loved her and that he thought she was totally hot!

"Hey Eric!" Ambyr sweetly greeted him when she got closer.

"Oh, it's you," replied Eric in a disinterested tone. Was this creeper stalking him?

"So… What are you doing in Cerulean City?" she asked him, trying to prod his confession of love and total devotion from his lips.

"I came to see Bill about something," replied Eric, who really wanted to get out of this conversation. "He lives in a house up on the cape, and he's the one who created the PC Storage System."

"Oh, I know that!" exclaimed Ambyr. "I _totally _knew that! I mean, Bill! C'mon! He's like, the greatest! Well, not as great as me… But… Yeah! I'm _totally _going to see him! You wanna come?"

"Uh, no," replied Eric, who was visibly weirded out at this point. "I just met with him. Good luck with, uh, whatever it is you're doing." He then left.

Ambyr's heart sank. "What's so great about this Bill?" she muttered to herself.

She then began running towards Bill's house, though she still wasn't trying any more parkour moves, which she could totally still do.

"I'll meet this Bill, and maybe I'll figure out how to make Eric admit he's madly in love with me!" she exclaimed cheerfully.

After awhile, she arrived at Bill's house. She swung open the door and entered the house, striking her super cool pose again.

"Hey Bill! I'm here to visit you!" she boldly declared.

"Why did you just barge in to my house?" Bill angrily demanded.

"Because, I'm a totally awesome trainer and stuff, and, like, um, Eric was here, and, uh… PC storage and… stuff," she replied.

"Oh, you know Eric?" he asked with a surprised look on his face.

"Oh yeah," replied Ambyr with a grin. "He's my boyfriend."

"Oh," replied Bill. "I didn't know he was gay."

"I'M A GIRL!" screeched Ambyr angrily.

"Oh!" exclaimed Bill, completely surprised. "Really?"

Ambyr pretended he didn't say that and that she hadn't lost her cool. "So, what do you do here?"

"Well," began Bill, excited to be explaining his work, even if it was just to this slightly creepy, scrawny, pale girl with a slight mustache, "I mostly tweak the PC Storage System, which, as you likely know, is used to store the pokemon of trainers worldwide."

"Uh-huh," yawned Ambyr, who _didn't _have a mustache, _wasn't _creepy, and was _totally hot._

"I also like to breed rare pokemon," Bill continued. "I actually have some eggs over here." He gestured to a sort of incubator-like device, filled with five eggs.

He and Ambyr walked over towards the machine, which Bill opened.

"Would you like to see it?" he asked.

Ambyr, however, selectively tuned out the words "to see".

"Oh, yes, thanks!" she cheerfully exclaimed as Bill handed her the egg.

"Oh, wait a second, I left the stove on," said Bill. "I'll be right back." He then walked into another room, which Ambyr didn't notice because she was staring at the egg she believed Bill gave to her.

"Well, I really must be going, as I have to beat Misty and win the Cascade Badge. Goodbye," Ambyr said as she walked out the door. On the way out, she saw a ticket for the S.S. Anne, a luxury liner in Vermilion City, sitting on the table, which she took just because.

Ambyr put the egg in her bag, because it's _totally _not going to break in there, and headed back towards Cerulean City.

After she had left, Bill came back.

"Where'd she go?" he asked himself, looking around.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, looking at the still-open incubator. "She took my egg!"

Bill then called the police to report a fugly-looking, psychopathic kleptomaniac roaming around the Cerulean City area.

**For someone who hates updates like this, I'm sure doing them a lot lately. Anyway, when I pointed out the anime sweat drop thing, I feel that suethors do that mostly because they don't realize that you can't write a purely text-based story within the same parameters of anime and manga, which, in my experience, is what they mostly draw from.**

**I guess I may as well do "'Sue's' That Pokemon?" while I'm already updating.**

"**Sue's" That Pokemon?**

**Cyndaquil/Quilava/Typhlosion**

**Cyndaquil is my favorite Johto starter, and, apparently, has become a favorite of suethors in recent years, which I found surprising. Back when Gold and Silver first came out, I picked Cyndaquil, while nearly everyone else I knew picked Totodile. (I still have the original save data, too. I always keep the same save file on my "main" versions.) When HeartGold and SoulSilver came out, however, multiple Sues began using Cyndaquil.**

**There are several reasons I have found that explain why Cyndaquil has become so popular with Sues. First of all, thanks to a little searching, I discovered that a character in the anime while Ash was traveling in Sinnoh obtained a Cyndaquil, which caused it to be exposed to the current crop of suethors, who are usually between 12 and 16; this helps explain how so many Mary Sues started using Cyndaquil. In addition, like so many other pokemon, the fact that it is a fire-type draws Sues to it. Finally, it starts off cute and cuddly, fulfilling that requirement for a Sue's team, but slowly becomes cool-looking and intimidating, covering everything a Sue looks for in a pokemon.**

**The vast majority of the time when a Sue has a Cyndaquil, as you probably deduced from my comment about HeartGold and SoulSilver above, is when their journey takes place in Johto and it is their starter. Other times, they will randomly receive it from Professor Elm during their journey (even if they're in Unova or Hoenn or somewhere like that) or they will hatch it from an egg, which is what I believe happened in the anime with the Cyndaquil I mentioned earlier.**

**Long story short, those are the basic reasons why Sues use Cyndaquil.**

**Here's one of the numerous ways to use Typhlosion in the games:**

**Ability****: Blaze (I don't believe a Dream World Cyndaquil exists yet.)**

**Nature****: Timid (+ Speed, - Attack) or Modest (+ Sp. Attack, - Attack) (Typhlosion has good speed and special attack going for it, a high special attack stat also being something Sues seem to trend towards when picking pokemon. Anyway, you need both of those stats to be high with the specific Typhlosion I'm showing you, so pick either of those.)**

**Item****: Anything to help protect you from Water, Ground, and Rock attacks, which are very common. Air Balloon, Charti Berry, Passho Berry, stuff like that.**

**EVs****: 4 Defense/252 Sp. Attack/252 Speed (Pretty much the standard for special attackers, which is the type of Typhlosion I'm showing you.)**

**Moves****: -Eruption (If you use this, go with a Timid nature. The goal is to hit your opponent with this before they can hurt you, keeping it at full strength. Any other decent, non-physical fire attack works too, such as Flamethrower or Overheat.)**

**-Hidden Power (Grass, Water, or Electric, in order to provide coverage against Typhlosion's big weaknesses. They're listed in the preferred order. If you're playing Black/White, you can check the type of your Hidden Power at the Mistralton City Pokemon Center. Alternatively, if you're using a sun team, SolarBeam is an option.)**

**-Focus Blast (Helps with Rock-types, as well as helps cover Hydreigon and stuff like that.)**

**- Really, this last slot's pretty open. You could use a status-inducing move, such as Will-O-Wisp, another special attack that isn't one of the above types (Hidden Power Water/Electric comes to mind if you're running a sun team and go with SolarBeam) or, if you choose a nature that doesn't lower attack, you could pick a physical attack (maybe replace one of the non-fire attacks with something else) and run a mixed set. **

**Typhlosion is a really diverse pokemon, and you have several good options, one of which I've presented, when using it. It really comes down to what type of team you have and what role you want Typhlosion to play.**


End file.
